HARE KRISHNA!! GEORGE HARRISON IS MY LOVER!!! I’m Sammy. Maybe Samantha. Not Sam.
Anyone up for a date, I’m blonde, blue eyed, busty and gorgeous. Hitler’s dish really. Just kidding! I’m a [siamese] twin to a sister named Stephen. He, I mean she, is the one on the right of my photo 
(I am really a twin, but he doesn’t look like me [unfortunately for him]). And actually I am decendant from Germany (G-G-Grandfolks). My last name means VEGETABLE OILER. GHA GHA GHA-ten! Das ist aber schade! Ya!
But I’m born in South Africa. Ek praat nie Afrikaans nie!
I was born in the ’80s. I wish I had been born in the ’40s so I can be the age I am now in the ’60s.
I’m a Beatlemania-c. George, Paul, John and Ringo 4 life my brothers and sisters. Peace out. Hallelujah. Avada Kedavra. Amen.
“Why don’t you just kill me then and get it over and done with!’ Harry stormed. ‘Hermione has put a Repellus Voldemortus cursus spell on me, so when you Avada Kedavra me I will probably die, but so will you. My heroic sacrifice will go down in history as the bravest and most important sacrifice in the name of good over evil in history!’
‘You’re forgetting about Christ,’ Lord Voldemort said. He remembered watching the muggle carpenter getting hung up to die, when he had been on a time traveling holiday with Diagon Alley Time Travel Adventures! It had only cost three hundred galleons for a round the world, three thousand year odyssey. Voldemort made a mental note to himself to get Isabel, his secretary, to book him another one in his upcoming Dark Lord holidays.
‘Who’s Christ?’ Harry snorted.
‘Don’t they teach you anything at this school?’ Lord Voldemort growled. Boy, this was boring. But the fan fiction author insisted on dragging out the climactic chapter as long as was humanly possible. Volderz really hated this.”
-Harry Potter and the Bad Seventh Year Fan Fiction
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